Civility

What is Civility?

Civility...is the sum of the many sacrifices we are called to make for the sake of living together. When we pretend that we travel alone, we can also pretend that these sacrifices are unnecessary. Yielding to this very human instinct for self-seeking... is often immoral, and certainly should not be done without forethought. We should make sacrifices for others not simply because doing so makes social life easier (although it does), but as a signal of respect for our fellow citizens, marking them as full equals, both before law and before God. Rules of civility are thus also rules of morality; it is morally proper to treat our fellow citizens with respect, and morally improper not to. Our crisis of civility, then is part of a larger crisis of morality. And because morality is what distinguishes humans from other animals, the crisis is ultimately one of humanity.

What duties does civility require?

1. Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.

2. Shake not the head, feet, or legs; role not the eyes nor lift one eyebrow higher than the other; wry not the mouth; and bedew no man’s face with your spittle by approaching too near him when you speak.

3. Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not upon anyone.

4. Wherein you reprove another, be unblamable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precepts.

5. Use no reproachful language against anyone, neither curse nor revile.

6. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for ‘tis a sign of a tractable and commendable nature; in all causes of passion admit reason to govern.

7. Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earnest; scoff not at none although they give occasion.

8. Think before you speak; pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly.

9. While you are speaking, point not your finger at whom you discourse, nor approach too near to whom you talk, especially to his face.

10. Speak not evil of the absent for it is unjust.

How can you tell if civility is being practiced around you?

1. People receive credit for the good work that is done.

2. Individuals take responsibility for their actions/behavior rather than making excuses or blaming others.

3. Individuals are committed to keeping each other informed and trust each other to pass along information appropriately.

4. People collaborate on important issues by seeking out each others opinions and expertise.

5. People talk in terms of “we” instead of creating “us and them” distinctions.

6. Individuals focus on the main issue or mission and don’t get sidetracked by differences in detail.

7. Individuals respect organizational structures and roles and don’t use them as weapons.

8. Individuals value each other’s background and experience rather than discrediting each other’s competence.

9. Concerns, criticisms, and conflicts are openly raised, are focused on methods for accomplishing the work, and are discussed in a respectful manner.

10. People speak positively about their work, the organization, and the future rather than negatively or expressing cynicism.

Sources:

Driving Fear From the Workplace by K. Ryan and D. Oestreich

Civility: Manners, Morals, and the Etiquette of Democracy by Stephen L. Carter